Hank J. Wimbleton vs. Rayman
Hank J. Wimbleton vs. Rayman is a What-If? episode of Death Battle. Description Newgrounds vs. Ubisoft--the ultraviolence of Madness Combat and the whimsical powers of Rayman go head to head to determine which warrior with no arms or legs is the better fighter. Who will win? Who will die? DEATH BATTLE finds out! Interlude Wiz: In animation, sometimes you take shortcuts when designing a character. When things are cartoonish, you can get away with a lot more. Boomstick: Heck, sometimes you don't even show their arms or legs. They end up like six floating parts! Just hands, feet, a head and a body. Wiz: There are two of these quasi-disembodied characters that stand out above the rest: Hank J. Wimbleton, the gun-slinging protagonist of the Madness Combat series-- Boomstick: And Rayman, who is really hard to explain. To keep the 'limbless' theme going, we're taking Hank from Madness Combat: Consternation. Yeah, things get more difficult to evaluate after that. Fans of the series know what I'm talking about. He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick--''' Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Hank J. Wimbleton Madness Combat: Depredation Theme Wiz: Somewhere in Nevada is a place of mass violence, wild improbability, and no sunlight. '''Boomstick: With a killer zombie clown, some guy who's totally not the Messiah, and the guy who's getting them riled up: Hank J. Wimbleton, who straight-up kills people in a long string of entertaining ways. No one knows where he comes from, but that doesn't matter since they don't usually live long enough to ask. Pretty straightforward character, I'd say. Boomstick likes. Wiz: Though the Madness Combat series does have a plot, atmosphere, and some characterization, it's slim in the way of auxiliary details. Under his various bandages and protections, he looks just like everyone else, with his face dominated by a single cross that shows head direction. Hank's capabilities have grown as the series has continued, granting him physical ability equal to or surpassing normal human limits. Boomstick: Hank can jump at least twice his his height into the air, throw people above doorframes with one hand, flip a vending machine on its side casually, and can take hits that would make a normal person beg for mercy. Examples bein': gunshot wounds to the clavicle and a sword slash along his back. Tricky even impaled him with the non-business end of a stopsign, and Hank just took it out of his body after a few seconds of beating the crap out of the clown for doing that. Wiz: Hank can take blunt force damage much better than a normal human. He has taken repeated punches from Tricky, who had the power to knock Hank all the way up a major cliffside with one swing of a stopsign. Hank got up from that no problem, by the way. On the other hand, he has no innate resistance to other forms of damage, such as bullets, swords, or anything sharp, really. There was a moment in Consternation where he stirred even though half his head and some of his chest was missing, but it's unclear as to whether that was his own action or Tricky's Improbability Drive working, as static was happening at the time and Tricky, um, did something spoiler-ific shortly thereafter. It doesn't make sense with how he ended up in Redeemer and Avenger, so we'll leave that out. Boomstick: Hank has good balance, shown when he jumped on someone's head and hopped over onto another guy in Consternation. But what he's really got goin' for him is dexterity and agility that make professional gymansts cry. Hank basically never misses a shot with any kind of gun, can jump around at high speeds like a friggin' ninja, and his shots are accurate even when he's backflipping through the air. Dude did that in Antipathy. Wiz: Hank has almost preternatural combat awareness. He can notice when enemies are trying to attack him from behind, getting to them on his own time without even looking. He can't dodge a mid-flight bullet, but can avoid guns simply by not being where the muzzle is pointed. Hank is an expert at using his environment for cover, and is not above using enemies as human shields. Boomstick: And he can use all of the guns. ALL OF THE GUNS. Even melee weapons like swords and improvised poles, and is really good with throwing weapons too. He killed two guys at once with two throwing knives at the same time, on opposite sides of the room, and managed to catch a knife thrown at him during Antipathy. And he can throw a gun when they're out of ammo and kill someone with it! Wiz quietly: They're not even aerodynamic... Boomstick: Hank hasn't done too well against Tricky or Jebus, mostly. He killed them early in the series, but after that, they've been pretty consistently whooping him. But you don't underestimate this guy; he's killed over 500 people at the time we're taking him from, including a giant agent that took lots of chainsawing to the face before it died. He fended off Tricky in his most dangerous form, while hangaing from a ceiling with one hand and using a gun—even reloading—with the other. Holy Jebus! Wiz: In terms of weaknesses, it's unknown how well Hank holds up to fire or any sort of energy damage, since he's never dealt with that at the time of Consternation except for Tricky's fire, which seems to be mostly cosmetic and doesn't actually affect much that was can see in the animation. It's probably safe to assume he handles it like everyone else, but could still fight depending on the severity, judging by his general ability to keep up even when damaged. Mostly, Hank's problem is sharp objects--like any human, he can be crippled or killed by them if he's not careful. On another note, it's also worth noting that he killed the sun. Boomstick: ...wait, what? Wiz: After the Improbability Drive was activated, the sun jumped down and tried to attack Hank, so he killed it. Boomstick: ...wait...what? Wiz: Boomstick, stick to the script. Boomstick: Lots of characters have killed lots of other characters. But for committing murder one guy at a time, it's hard to beat Hank J. Wimbleton. (Hank shoots towards the point of view) Rayman Band Land theme Wiz: Early in the existence of the Glade of Dreams, the quasi-omnipotent Polokus began to have bad dreams. Several nymphs that lived in the glade gathered a number of lums to magically form them into a light-bringing hero, but they got distracted-- Boomstick: of noise of papers shuffling Wiz! Wiz, I lost my lesbian joke. I had it written down right here. Wiz: sigh And because they got distracted, they lost a sack of the lums. They went ahead with the process anyway, and the result was Rayman--whimsical, rebellious, and missing a few important parts. Boomstick: Doesn't seem to slow him down, though. Rayman's perfectly functional without limbs. Wiz: Rayman's most remarkable ability is a direct derivative of his limblessness. While it isn't explored to its limits in the games, Rayman can actually separate from his body parts. Rayman can literally throw his punches and have his fist return to him as if on a rubber band, from at least several times his height in distance. Boomstick: Does Rayman have a height? I mean, look at him. Wiz: Kind of. Rayman's body seems to naturally arrange itself into a humanoid configuration, but his body parts can escape this configuration, apparently with no harm to Rayman himself. Rayman once lost both of his hands while he was sleeping, and was no worse for the wear when he woke up. He has been separated from a foot before and came back to it without an issue, and can even separate from his body to use it as a basketball or bowling ball. The only part of his form that seems vital is his head, though the jury is still out on what happens if he loses three or more body parts. In any case, his hands seem to be able to operate on their own. Boomstick: Rayman isn't just a pile of junk, though. He has some kick on his own, literally even. Rayman is skilled in hand-to-hand combat, and though it's not friggin' karate or anything and we don't know what his overall experience is, Rayman can swings at speeds you could call superhuman. Judging by Rayman M and Rayman Origins, at his fastest, it's blink-and-you'll-miss-it, but usually there's a tiny little window for you to see that you're about to get punched. Wiz: That also applies to his kicks. Rayman's strikes pack a huge wallop. Routinely, Rayman can smash thick metal cages, but this goes a lot higher, especially if he takes a moment or two to "wind up" his fists; he's been able to hit targets so hard they reached escape velocity and landed in another constellation. Boomstick: Whoa! From this guy? Wiz: It should be no surprise. Rayman's world is cartoony. But even in the more grounded games, Rayman has surprising power. In the second game, The Great Escape, Rayman survived a point-blank explosion that destroyed an entire pirate airship, and the resulting fall from 5,000 feet, and only got separated from his foot for the trouble—temporarily. A similar fall alone only managed to disorient him for a few seconds. Rayman has survived inside of an active volcano with no issues, and depending on how you interpret the environments of Great Escape, perhaps even the void of space. Boomstick: Cartoony. Water didn't evaporate and there was sound, but you could clearly see the SPAAAAACE. Wiz: The caveat is that Rayman has never done well around sharp objects. We could argue for shrapnel from the explosion counting, but shrapnel is probably not a thing in Rayman's universe. Besides durability and separability, Rayman is very fast and agile, though only on a human scale. In physical strength, however, Rayman is superhuman--he can lift entire powderkegs and plums. Boomstick: PFffffft tiny little plums. Wiz: They're the size of--- Boomstick: Wookit da cute widdle pwums. Wiz: Boomstick, they're the size of small boulders in the Glade of Dreams. They're something like 4 feet in diameter--never explicitly spelled out, so it's an estimate--and if they're as dense as real-world fruits, that means they weigh something like 1,500 pounds. And Rayman can throw these better than an ordinary person can throw shot-puts. Boomstick: And he's got more powers, too! He can throw his fists like boomerangs, or shoot high-speed spheres of energy from his hands as well. These spheres pack enough of a punch to destroy those metal cages Wiz was talking about in a few shots, and he has unlimited use of them as fast as he can throw—which, as we saw in Rayman M, is rapid-fire. With a few seconds, he can charge a shot up to several times its ordinary power. Wiz: Rayman can also use his hair as a helicopter, allowing him to glide. Even better, he has several powerups. Boomstick: By putting on the contents of cans of stuff called Lager Detergent, he can instead throw little wind vortexes instead of his fists, double the strength of his punches, gain pointy bits on his hands to grab onto stuff, outright fly with his helicopter hair, or even turn one of his fists into a HOMING MISSILE LAUNCHER. Wiz: He has a few other miscellaneous powerups to his name, but for the same reason that we won't be giving Hank every type of gun under the sun, we're only giving Rayman access to these main, important powerups. Boomstick: As for weaknesses, well, he can't reattach to his body parts unless they're close enough, so he can totally lose them. And, again, he's no good with sharp objects, because of cartoon logic. Also, dude's a heavy sleeper. You can rip off parts of him and he won't wake up. Wiz: Not really relevant to a Death Battle, but alright. Boomstick: Wiz, if I ever have to get my limbs amputated, I know this guy's gonna be my inspiration. Rayman: YEAH! DEATH BATTLE! Hank shoots a downed body on the floor of a room already littered with corpses. He pulls the trigger a few times and then tosses the empty gun away, before hustling through a gray doorway into a more dimly-lit area. The door lowers shut behind him. Dark grays and blacks surround him, with huge machines at least fifteen feet tall—proportioned like doghouses—whirring. An engine room. Hank hustles along and spots Rayman, idly leaning against an engine's side panel and fiddling with a yellow lum. Wasting no time to do what he always does, Hank lunges forward for a punch-- FIGHT! Hank's left fist strikes Rayman's nose. Barely fazed, Rayman kicks Hank in the stomach and punches him in the face, both at startling speeds and knocking Hank back a bit. Hank thumps Rayman's body against the engine block with a jab and lifts Rayman a bit, grinding him against the engine, at which point Rayman grips Hank's own body, lifts him instead so that Rayman is back on the ground, and slams Hank into the floor. As Hank springs back on his feet, Rayman delivers a barrage of kicks to Hank's body and face. Hank grabs the striking foot after the fifth kick, and swings Rayman overhead so as to slam him into the ground on the opposite side, and as soon as Rayman is directly above Hank in the arc, Hank is met with a kick of the other foot. Hank continues his swing, slamming Rayman onto the ground. Rayman just springs forward, pinning Hank back against the engine block with his feet, which is follow by repeated fist strikes upside Hank's head. Rayman grabs Hank's body, swings him around 180 degrees, kicks him into the air, whirls up his fist as the self-reorienting Hank comes back down, and delivers a powerful forward slug that knocks Hank far away from the engine. Hank skids across the ground, and grabs a conveniently-placed shotgun on the ground while doing so. Rayman advances in a run. Hank springs up and swings the shotgun into the side of Rayman's face, which is met with a kick below Hank's non-existent neck and a punch into Hank's own face. Hank backs up a bit. As Rayman winds up a fist, Hank plants one of his feet into Rayman's face. He rips away Rayman's body-piece flings it into the air behind him, twists around abruptly, and delivers two bullet-time shotgun blasts into it. It lands on the ground and rolls slightly, peppered with buckshot that didn't seem to penetrate. Rayman taps Hank on the shoulder, Hank turns around and receives a would-up uppercut that knocks Hank onto to the top of an engine. Even without his body-piece, the rest of Rayman is in place and he looks fine. Nonetheless, Rayman runs over to retrieves his body. Before he can grab it, Hank springs down from the engine block like a human cannonball, timing his shotgun just right to shoot Rayman in the face mid-descent. Hank lands on his feet as Rayman stumbles back, clutching his face, and gets to work with repeated punches to Rayman's face. Rayman quickly counters with a kick, briefly distracting Hank, just enough for Rayman to extricate his hands from his face—he's bleeding, but apparently fine. Hank and Rayman swing at each other repeatedly, and while Hank dodges half of the dozen strikes, the rest connect for being so fast. Rayman is simply tanking the melee hits from the muzzle of the shotgun. Hank even tries to manhandle Rayman's hands to rip them away, but Rayman's fists return to him with no issue. Figuring that this isn't working, Hank jumps and backflips over an entire engine to get cover from Rayman. He grabs a Glock on the ground and starts reloading the shotgun, one shell at a time. Meanwhile, Rayman retrieves his body and runs off for a few seconds to open a nearby red-labeled tin of Lager-Washing Powder. The light emitting from the open tin proceeds to turn most of him red, although his head becomes blue, and his fists gain iron brass-knuckle protrusions. Hank slips the last shell into the shotgun just as the engine block explodes. Hank ducks-and-covers for a moment from the debris before looking at it, seeing Rayman right in front of it with his fist mid-return. Hank starts a jump towards the cover behind another nearby engine, soaring through the air, and Rayman slings yellow balls of energy rapid-fire to intercept him. In bullet-time, Hank shoots and successfully disperses each and every one mid-flight, and lands behind the engine. Rayman smashes that engine likewise, only to see that Hank is missing from behind it...and is now atop a third. Rayman tosses energy balls to intercept the Glock's suppressing fire while dashing behind the rubble of the second engine. His powder runs out, reverting his coloration, but he notices a can of blue-label powder. He pops the can open while laying flat on the ground, and turns mostly blue. Rayman emerges when the Glock fire stops coming and extends the bear-trap-on-a-chain now attached to his fist towards Hank. Hank jumps down and fires a shotgun blast at Rayman, who rolls backwards out of the way just in time. His second lockjaw attack strikes true while Hank advances, ripping away the Glock. Hank takes a step back and aims the shotgun. Rayman, not knowing any better, fires the lockjaw once more after discarding the Glock. Just in time, Hank shoots, destroying the lockjaw chain in an explosion of metal links. Rayman reels from the explosion (and reels in the rest of the chain) while Hank scoops up a machine gun on the ground with his free hand, then empties the clip out the muzzle towards Rayman. Rayman stumbles back away and dives back behind the debris. He sweeps bullets off his bleeding body while Hank jumps up and over the destroyed engine, landing right over Rayman, pointing the shotgun at his now-normally-colored face-- Rayman slams his fist into Hanks' face and kicks him into the air, even from the prone position. Before Hank lands, Rayman punches him into a wall. Rayman runs up to him, and Hank “twirls” back into a standing potion so that the gun slaps Rayman's head. Hank levels the gun at Rayman's face again, who ducks and leans in for a gut-punch just in time to avoid the buckshot and smash Hank's middle. Hank struggles for a bit with Rayman pinning him to the wall with one fist, but before he can aim the gun correctly, Rayman rips it out of Hank's hand with an unoccupied fist. The gun is tossed to the side, and Hank's head and body are hammered repeatedly with fists before Hank can kick Rayman hard enough to break away. Hank and Rayman both disengage, the former grabbing a knife about thirty feet away, and Rayman opening a green powder can at a similar distance in the opposite direction. Hank rushes forward with his new knife at the same time that the now-green-and-red Rayman winds up a fist. Just before Hank gets close, Rayman swings, unleasing a tiny human-scale tornado. It sweeps up the myriad bullet shells nearby, clattering into Hank with enough veracity to make him miss with a stab. Rayman jumps back and throws energy balls repeatedly. Enduring them, Hank advances anyway and begins swinging with the knife. Rayman's sparse body and agility let him narrowly dodge several times before he kicks Hank away yet again, at which point Hank pockets the knife to grab a Desert Eagle. Rayman jumps into the debris of the second engine, entering a smallish pocket of the foundation. Hank looks for a good angle to hit someone surrounded by engine debris, and after a few moments, jumps atop the third engine to get a vantage point. Meanwhile, Rayman spots an orange can of powder on a light fixture above, and launches his fist to grab it. Taking it down to himself, he opens it to turn his body orange-and-blue and gain a rocket launcher on one fist. Hank points his gun as Rayman shoots a Shock Rocket, and blows up the rocket mid-flight before it can be within a threatening radius. The explosion clears, and two busily fire at each other, Hank shooting the Desert Eagle to intercept Rayman's energy balls. The Desert Eagle ammunition runs out, but Hank begins running and jumping towards Rayman, dodging most of the shots. Two of them strike him, but he keeps going, snatching up the shotgun, and finally jumping into the hollow Rayman entered over one of a maximally-charged energy shot—the latter shattering a chunk of the wall behind him. The force of Hanks' descent, combined with a well-timed clutch of Rayman's hands, allows Hank to try the hands away. He quickyl tosses them away from the engine hollow, grips the surprised Rayman's head, and begins slamming it into a panel of the destroyed enging repeatedly. Rayman struggles with his feet, but with no hands, Hank is persistent. After a few moments, Raymans' fists have managed to squirm between bits of debris and show up near his feet again, then reconnect to his configuration. Rayman swings wildly with his restored fists, striking Hank near his shoulders over and over until Hank lets go, stumbling. Frustrated and pained, Rayman half-shouts as he rams Hank into a panel over and over again, not even punching this time; just grabbing him directly and swinging him like a plank of wood. Hank manages to grab hold of Rayman's hair and stop the swinging long enough to stand on the ground, then sling Rayman over his head, out of the hollow. Ryman helicopters down to the ground to avoid any damage. He looks over his nonexistent shoulder, and the moment Hank jumps out as well, Rayman catches his feet, swings him in a circle, and slings him up into the partly-destroyed wall—which the becomes totally-destroyed. Rayman approaches slowly. Hank stirs and stumbled to his feet. Rayman begins winding up a final, earth-shattering punch-- Hank whips out the pocketed knife and embeds it into the center of Rayman's body-peice. Rayman cries out as Hank yanks out the knife, and Hank slices hard enough with the blade to completely bisect Rayman's body. It falls to the ground...and the rest of the horribly, horribly pissed-off Rayman does not. The final punch connects with so much force that Hank's head is ripped off and sent flying out into the deep atmosphere. A light shower of blood rains down over Rayman, partly from the head and partly from Hank's stump of a “neck”. Rayman sighs and puts his hands on the ground, gasping for breath. KO! Results (Rayman's body-piece is back in place, thank to the roll of duct tape he's winding around the separation plane.) Boomstick: Kid-friendly triumphs again. Wiz: This was a close match and very difficult to evaluate, but it became easier once we looked at how similar the two were rather than their differences. Both had high-human to low-superhuman agility and strength, and were extremely durable against anything not sharp. But there were some small differences, some of which were subtle. Boomstick: Check it. Hank dodges faster, but Rayman's fists are quick enough that it more than evens out. Rayman hits so hard that Hank's durability is up in the air, and not in his favor, especially when Rayman hits as hard as possible. Wiz: We're not going to do escape velocity calculations, because duh, cartoony, but it's still a huge step up in scale from surviving getting hit through a wall. Hank can't handle that. Boomstick: And the bullet thing. Well, bullets aren't sharp, but they kinda act like it. We decided that since Rayman's durability works on cartoon logic, bullets would be as dangerous as they are in cartoons--which is way less than with knives, but still not safe. So, Rayman could take some bullets. Wiz: Hank could use guns to whittle Rayman down, but that's not his style. He's about as in-your-face as a fighting style can get while still using ranged weaponry. He prefers to close in on his targets-- Boomstick: Which is where Rayman kicks ass. Wiz: And if Hank is given bullets, Rayman could just use his powerups. If we gave Hank conveniently-placed guns, we had to give Rayman convenient powerups, and that made him a little more deadly as well. Rayman and Hank both have indeterminate fighting experience, so it's kind of a wash; they fight similar numbers of people and display similar hand-to-hand prowess. What finally clinched the fight for Rayman was his performance against huge threats as opposed to Hank. Boomstick: Hank died. A lot. Always to the big important guys. Wiz: Whereas Rayman always triumphed against his great adversaries. He killed giants mechas several stories tall, handled ancient guardians, defeated Andre the Black Lum, etcetera. It was hard to tell, but given even odds, who would you bet on with those fight histories? Boomstick: Next time he comes back to life, Hank should practice his unarmed combat. Wiz: The winner is Rayman. Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:KZN Category:'Hero vs Anti-Hero' Themed Death Battles Category:'Video Games vs Web Shows' themed Death Battles Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2015 Category:Madness Combat Character Battle